Confronting Old Fears

I was so surprised today when someone told me that my actions of the day “inspired” them.  Earlier in the day I had asked her to send me some energy to help me deal with a dilemma.   My self-imposed task was to put on my big girl panties and tell my dentist that the color of the crowns he put in my mouth 2 months ago was the wrong color and that I was distressed by that.  Confrontation is a long time issue but I felt strong and ready to do this.  I had a concern that I had waited for 2 months to deal with it.  I also was confronting old fears I had regarding confronting men and I saw him as the person in control of the outcome of this situation.

Many women, including myself, have issues surrounding our relationships and interactions with men.  I grew up with a father I at first idolized, and then developed a great deal of anger towards.  I learned to see men as powerful, overbearing, and in control.  I learned helplessness and lack of self esteem.  In my marriage I at first felt full of rage that what I thought and what I needed were disregarded.  Then I became numb and stopped expecting to be listened to and didn’t even expect myself to have anything important to really contribute.  After all, everyone knew so much more than I.  If I could see another person’s point of view, my thoughts and beliefs were irrelevant.  I gave up.  I think that’s a recipe for depression.

So fast forward to today.  I had defined for myself what I was thinking and feeling.  I looked at the possible outcomes of my confrontation with the dentist.  I practiced some things I could possibly say based on possible responses he might make.  I was as ready as I could be.  I talked to God, I called in all my Angels and Guides.  I called several women friends and asked them to send me energy.

The outcome:  My dentist is an honest man.  After some discussion he eventually agreed that the color was wrong.  Lo and behold, he even apologized to me!  Writing this my heart feels full.  In the past I would have been grateful to him.  After all, he not only agreed and apologized, but also is not going to charge me for his services to correct it.  However, today I am grateful to myself for all the growth I have had.  I am grateful to my women friends and my men friends who “see” me, support me, and love me as I am.  I am grateful that I have a belief in a Higher Power and other celestial support.  I am most grateful to my Teacher who has seen me always and loved me anyway.

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